I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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