youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
