My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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