WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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