im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
