Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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