3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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