Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
