This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
