Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
