I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
