just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
