The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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