I wanna bring you to show and tell
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
