You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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