YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
