YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
