I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
