standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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