I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
