I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
