...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
