..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
