lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
