I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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