I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
