Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
