Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize