Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There are leaves in my underwear?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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