No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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