made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
