I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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