I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
