Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
