dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
