hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
