I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
