Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize