a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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