sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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