Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
