so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
