At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
