I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
