Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
