You made me cry and you don't even care
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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