haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
