i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Pants are for mortals
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
