i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
we're so committed to being not committed
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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