y did u give ur computer a hand job?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
