Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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