Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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