I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
