Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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