Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
