Christians are straight up FREAKS
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
