dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i wish my penis had a tongue
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
