He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We have started to decorate penises.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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