I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
