i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
