I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize