i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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