im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize