I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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