There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
