I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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