I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
