Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
