i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
