for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize