The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He kissed a someone with a penis
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize