Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
