I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
