I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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