it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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