new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
