made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
