I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
