I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize