so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
