He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
