He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
