We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
