She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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