i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
