I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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