you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
