Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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