I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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