You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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