i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
