Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
