my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
