mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
