All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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