I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When are your genitals available?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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