Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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