He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
