I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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