I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
