I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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