I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
