Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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