Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Randomize
