I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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