Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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