yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
