awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we're making bets on your personal life
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize