i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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