your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize