Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
