Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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