I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize