Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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