I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
