you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
