Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
