Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Shame - the story of my life.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
