Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
