Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
