Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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