you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
